I hate your face
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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