Say something about gay babies.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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