he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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