You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
