Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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