FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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