Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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