If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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