I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
