Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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