I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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