Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
