fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
