Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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