My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
