I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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