Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
