after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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