He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
