Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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