I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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