last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
