After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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