I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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