youre lurking in front of me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
