Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
