I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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