lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
