sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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