I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just gargled with NyQuil
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
