There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
