omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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