I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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