new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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