Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
