'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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