When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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