I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
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What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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