dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
that may or may not have been my penis.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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