Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
