Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
even my farts smell like vagina
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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