every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
