...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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