Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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