omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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