oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
