It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
