yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
