there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
