apparently the secret to your success is patron
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
