My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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