the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
