so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity