Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list