seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.