I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
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I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?