WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji