There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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