I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
