I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
