No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
