his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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