we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
