i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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