He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
