Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
