my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
