I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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